The Post-Doc Complex

On my long journey towards maturity, I have reached the stage where I can now identify fully with the existential plight famously analysed and narrated by that great prober of human crises that is Britney Spears.

spearsOr rather, ‘I’m not a PhD student, not yet a lecturer’. Ms Spears, shrewdly identifying the specific requirements for this predicament to end, further argues:

All I need is time

A moment that is mine

While I’m in-between

Or rather:

All I need is grants

For conferences in France

While I’m in-between…

 

(or: / All I need is more

Free access to JSTOR

 

/ All I need for sure

Is to give a lecture

 

/ All I need is three

New lines on my CV

 

/ All I need is you [looking intently at venerable prof]

To give me peer-review

Etc.)

Not being endowed with the same curves as the inspirational figure of my early teenage years, I’m not sure writhing half-naked on a mountaintop would alleviate my own concerns: what is this no man’s land of limboey in-betweenness that they call post-doc?

She is confused too.

Not being a student anymore is, I would like to point out first and foremost, an absurd situation for anyone to come to terms with. I have twenty-four years of studenthood behind me (before you object that I must have been a baby for at least some of that time, I will specify that my mother, who doesn’t care much for non-adults, spent most of that time trying to make me quit that bad habit as fast as possible).

All of a sudden, I’m not a student. It all happened very unexpectedly, on my PhD viva day. Just when I thought everything was going well, my examiner said congratulations, and then:

From this day onwards, you are not a student anymore, and you will never be a student ever again. Well, unless you decide to study something entirely different at some point later in your life.

I couldn’t possibly have prepared for it; I wasn’t ready. Immediately the panic generated by the first sentence was replaced by feverish imaginings of what I could study next. An undergraduate course in Klingon could be followed by an MPhil in Advanced Crocheting? But it was too late, my supervisor came up to me and cut off my tiny Padawan braid, and it was the end of my student life.

I am now in the strange situation of having to answer to no one. Lecturers and professors always seem to have someone above them telling them what they’re doing right or wrong, usually with the help of statistical diagrams and numbers preceded by pound signs. My own post-doc contract (a very Oxbridgey Junior Research Fellowship, to be precise) doesn’t come with any particular demands that I should do anything concrete in the next three years.

It is implicit in the wording, I guess, that I shall not use them to improve my skills at dodging banana skins on Mario Kart, but there’s no precise to-do-list. I don’t ‘have to’ publish a book, write a certain number of articles, do a number of hours of teaching, present conference papers. I just have to get on with my research, and because I had an interview where they assessed that I wasn’t career-suicidal, they are simply assuming that I will do my best to improve my CV in those three years in the ways I see most fit.

Not this.

Not this.

So here I am, beginning a three-year job where I don’t have a boss, or externally-defined objectives, or a possibility of being fired (as far as I know), but where I can decide exactly how to organise my days and/or nights, what to refuse and what to accept in terms of teaching, and what to do in my spare time. Even in my most lucid dreams I didn’t think you could upgrade to that level of adult independence until you retired, and I’m not even long-sighted yet.

But at the same time as having all this freedom at my disposal, I will also be frantically applying, in those years, for all the jobs in the world, hundreds of much less comfortable positions but more durable ones, which will drag me into a whirlpool of admin, CV-writing, referee-bribing-with-macarons-from-Ladurée, and anguished monthly transfers to my savings account. I will be writing articles I don’t want to write but that might have a better chance of getting published than the ones I do want to write.

The bribery that always works.

The bribery that always works.

So I’m barely beginning my career as a researchling and I’m not sure if I should try to enjoy the most luxurious three years of my life because this is pretty much as free as it gets, or grimly memento-morise: this job is just a formidably lovely transition chamber towards a terrifying academic job market, where proper academic positions are melting away faster than the North Pole, and dancing on a bare mountain in ripped jeans begins to seem like a very reasonable option to keep at bay the weird despair of in-betweenness.

Gargoyles Gone AWOL Book Giveaway

Not very long till the second Sesame Seade book comes out! It’s called Gargoyles Gone AWOL, and I’ve just received my own author copy:

Yeah the background and the dress are a bit dark but I promise I'm happy

Yeah the background and the dress are a bit dark but I promise I’m happy in reality.

Look at the three of them (almost) together!

P1050626

Can you spot the one that’s not quite there yet?

ALRIGHT WHAT’S IT ABOUT???

This is a book for readers who would have liked to be lizards. Not in the sense that they would have liked to eat flies, have very brittle tails, and be entirely dependent on sunshine to bring their body temperature to a level allowing for a slight chance of survival. Rather, in the sense of being able to climb walls at astonishing speed and hide in nooks and crannies.

couvThat’s exactly what Sesame is up to in Gargoyles Gone AWOL. Because, you see, lots of gargoyles have been mysteriously disappearing from the walls of the Gothic colleges in Cambridge – and as everyone knows, they can’t have just flown away, right? … right?

Gargoyles not gone awol.

Picture of absolutely real Gargoyles not gone AWOL.

Add to this a trail of pawprints that look like nothing Toby-the-animal-expert has ever seen, a tsunami of mice (tsunamice), parents turned suspiciously non-annoying, and a cat turned dramatically lethargic, and you’ve got the plot of Gargoyles.

Sorry, what? You’re wondering how this plot can hold together without a pair of toddlerish twins solving jigsaw puzzles? Oh yes, of course, I’d forgotten about those.

Also, Sarah added a badger playing the ukulele.

Sarah also added to the mix a badger playing the ukulele. I’m not sure what she’d had for breakfast that day.

CAN I READ AN EXTRACT FROM THIS CONVOLUTED-SOUNDING NOVEL?

You may indeed! For Chapter 1 is available right here for free and your perusal!

This absolutely believable story will hit bookstores on October 4th, which is also the due date of one of my closest friends, but I hope her baby ends up being less complicated than mine (and that mine doesn’t wake me up every night for the following six months).

It’s supposed to be funny. I will very modestly (not) point at the reviews of Sesame Seade, book 1 – Sleuth on Skates, to say that if it’s anything like the first one, it should make you laugh. Unless you’re an incredibly sour person with no sense of humour, entertaining murderous thoughts about children and kittens, in which case what are you doing on this blog when you could be stuffing apples with razor blades in preparation for Halloween?

———Book giveaway!———–

Anyway, as an international competition to win a signed copy of Gargoyles Gone AWOL (or unsigned if you prefer your books un-written-in), why don’t you leave a comment telling me which building in the world you’d most like to climb?

Personally it would be the Eiffel Tower, because one of my favourite films as a kid used to be this splendid classic of French comedy, Un Indien dans la ville (“An Indian in the City”), a not at all Orientalist story where a young savage climbs up the Iron Damsel.

As I said, not for Said.

As I said, not for Said.

Leave your answer in the comments!

Around the 6th of October I will ask the Gods of Randomness to pick a winner, and s/he will get the book for free in the post and a sample of my saliva on the back of the envelope.

Bye bye and happy climbing!

Clem x

New job, new book, new blog schedule

The holidays have ended; I am now all splattered with freckles and full of salmon oil and maple syrup and scarred everywhere from fighting grizzly bears with my bare hands. Guess where I went to?

My holidays.

My holidays.

I am now looking forward to October which is going to come into my life with the sole intent of modifying it completely. This is because the following things are going to be happening in it:

1) New job!

I am starting on the 1st of October my very first job as an Emerging Scholar, which is a newspeak way of saying mini-researcher-playing-with-tiny-shovel-in-the-corner-of-the-big-research-beach. I’m going to be a Junior Research Fellow at Homerton College, Cambridge. It entails doing research on my own like a grown-up, having lunches with other fellows like an adult, and still teaching the lovely undergrads (and also the unlovely ones) the mysteries of children’s literature and of the philosophy of education.

So I’m moving out of my flat, and beginning my new life of maturity as a non-student (!). In the meantime, the hardback version of my thesis, with corrections, will have been submitted to the University Library! Don’t rush there all at the same time to read it; I don’t want to cause a riot. I decided to get it bound in pretty wacky colours because every boring scientist picks red, black or blue, and what’s the point in being a Humanities student if you don’t take advantage of the fabulous freedom of submitting a baby pink thesis to the UL?

Funky coloured theses

Funky coloured theses

In my new job I’ll basically be starting a new research project, but also finishing what I’m currently working on, which is turning my thesis into a proper academic volume – to be published next year. This is proving very tricky and interesting – I’ll write more blog posts on the subject. The new project involves researching the concept of child precocity, and I’m sure I’ll write a bunch of things about that in months to come.

Another new thing I’ll be doing for the first time in October is go to a French conference and presenting my work in French. Easy, right, since I’m French? NO. French people terrify me, and I’ve completely lost my academic French. I’ll keep you updated, should I survive.

2) New book!

Gargoyles Gone AWOL (Oct 2013)‘GGAWOL’, as it is affectionately known

But that’s not all, because October also brings the release of the second book in the Sesame Seade series, Gargoyles Gone AWOL! more to come, of course, on the matter. I’ll also be doing my first big event – a talk to kids at the Bath Literary Festival.

I’ve been working on tons of projects recently. I’ve got two picturebooks in French coming out next year, as well as a YA book. In the UK as well, projects are bubbling but still in the top-secret category. It sounds exciting, but basically it’s a sexy way of saying there are no contracts yet.

3) New blog schedule!

And to celebrate all this – new life, new job, new books, new projects – and fight existential angst, I’ll be trying to stick to a new blog schedule. Since I feel slightly schizophrenic on this blog – I’m interested both in the academic and the writing aspects – I‘ll be doing one post per week, alternating each week – one roughly for the interests of academics and academic-minded people, or people who’d like to know more about research; and one about writing and specifically writing children’s books, which will probably appeal more to other authors, readers and students of creative writing. I’m thinking Wednesday, and all in a partnership with the French side of myself.

Also, I’ve been getting quite a few emails recently, from students of children’s literature in particular – either about the course at Cambridge, or about studying children’s literature in general. I’m always happy to help, so do email me at clementine at clementinebeauvais dot com (but please don’t ask me to write it for you…!)

Meanwhile

A bientôt!

Clem x

The Remnants of a Sex Scandal

Just an amusing anecdote on ‘things the editing process doesn’t quite manage to erase’. Upon reading Sleuth on Skates, one of my friends told me she’d thought, for half of the book, that the mystery would be a ‘sex scandal’ between student and professor – and wondered how I’d deal with that for that age range (primary school!).

She was relieved to see that it wasn’t the case (but there are other cool things that happen of a non-sexual nature, I guarantee you).

The Offending Volume

The Offending Volume

I won’t get into details since I don’t want to spoil my own book ‘coz that’s a stupid thing to do. But it was astonishing for me to hear that, because the original idea was indeed that part of the mystery would be a ‘sex scandal’!

And by original, I mean a long, long time ago. Two years ago. When I wrote draft 0, there was a secondary plotline with a relationship of a clearly sexual nature between a student and a professor. I wrote half of the book with that secondary thread, and then realised I was being completely idiotic – no agent, no publisher would ever accept a book for primary school kids with explicit relationships of that kind.

So I erased it entirely (yes, I self-censor, yes, I do; and you would too, if you’d received 2459405435 rejection letters for dealing with subjects that are too ‘sensitive’ for children’s literature). No one apart from me ever even saw that secondary plotline. I didn’t leave any hints that it was ever there. I didn’t ‘play’ with it. I just deleted it.

In fact, I’d completely forgotten it had ever been there. Until my friend’s comment.

All of this hints at a funny feature of text. The text that has repressed traumatic events! the text that has undergone symbolic castration! the text that wouldn’t have anything to do with sexuality… well, what have we learnt today?

Texts never forget!

(Or maybe my friend’s just got a particularly twisted mind.)

Clem x

My Boyfriend Ate My Homework

Or: ‘Emotional Proximity in the Ivory Tower: Between Emulation and Rivalry.’

(academia-related post = academic-souding title)

I am endowed with a boyfriend who’s also trying out this whole academia thing that I’m sort of into as well. In other words: we both want to be researchers and lecturers when we grow up. Granted, he’s in another corridor of the Ivory Tower, but not very far from mine – he’s in the English Literature and Theory office, as opposed to Literature for Nanohumans and Philosophy Thereof, which is where I currently occupy a cubicle. He’s also slightly younger than me, because I’m a cougar like that, so we’re not (yet) on the jobmarket at the same time. And finally, we’re not leaning on the same theoretical frameworks – in fact our favourite thinkers couldn’t be more diametrically opposed.

Although someone wrote a very good book on how they're actually on the same wavelength (BF doesn't agree)

Although someone wrote a very good book on the connections between their works (BF doesn’t agree)

But of course these differences don’t mean that the comingling of the personal and the professional doesn’t happen. It happens all the time, and it’s mostly wonderfully enriching and stimulating, because we’re exactly on the same wavelength re: what we think research should be about, and how ambitiously we should aim to Transform the Whole of Intellectual History. And yet there’s much more than stimulating debates and mutual encouragement in this kind of relationship, as I’m sure the 99% of academics who are going out with other academics already know.

The individual in question would hate me to ramble on about his greatness, but in all objectivity, I have never met anyone at this stage of their PhD who is as knowledgeable, intellectually sophisticated and ambitious, who’s achieved so much already, and who writes so well. Furthermore – it shouldn’t matter, but it does – he’s doing a Proper Discipline, not one with Nanohumans in it. One that makes people go ‘blimey, it sounds difficult’ rather than ‘whoa, you read Spot the Dog all day?’

'Having discovered the haunting presence of nothingness in being, Spot undergoes an existential crisis'

‘Having discovered the haunting presence of nothingness in being, Spot undergoes an existential crisis’ (Beauvais, 2013)

We’re in the same sort of area – so I can judge what he does as well as he can judge what I do. And if it’s doing wonders for the evolution of my thoughts, and constantly pushing me further, it’s sometimes at the cost of a good chunk of self-esteem. Because it’s not the same when your supervisor, or the anonymous peer-reviewer of Children’s Literature Association Quarterly, or your mother declares that your latest textual analysis is ridiculously overgeneralising, and when it’s your boyfriend who says so. In the first three cases, you get back to work. The fourth one sounds like you are running the risk of never being loved again. Ok, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea.

Some people say that the face of 20th-century French philosophy would have been different if Simone de Beauvoir had been ranked first at the Agrégation of Philosophy, the highest academic distinction in France. Jean-Paul Sartre was ranked first, she came second. It doesn’t matter that he was taking the exam for the second time as he’d failed it the first time; it doesn’t matter that she was coming from a much less privileged background, and the youngest candidate that year. In some people’s minds, Beauvoir was condemned to remain Sartre’s follower, to expand on his work, but never to develop a system of her own. What if she’d been first?

She got her own back by dying second as well. C. Le Grand Portage

She got her own back by dying second as well. C. Le Grand Portage

I think that question is actually counterproductive. I’m not going to get into everything that Beauvoir did far better than Sartre, but they’re not quite the right people to bring into that debate. It’s not them, the controversial superstars, who highlight the dangers of erotico-academic relationships – it’s the others, the ones we never hear about. Or rather, the ones with the partner we never hear about. The couples with the superstar professor and the mid-level lecturer. The ones with the genius theorist/radical thinker with the partner who writes textbooks and does a lot of teaching, even though s/he seemed to enjoy theory too, once upon a time (more often she than he, judging from what I see around me…)

Academic couples who regularly read each other’s work are, I think (I think!), always engaged in that precarious tightrope-walking exercise of offering constructive criticism that doesn’t end up ruining the mood of the whole Sunday afternoon, spotting when the other is really asking for punctilious peer-reading or if they simply need reassurance, and above all, making sure that whatever successes one encounters don’t lead the other one to think, ‘That’s it, I’ll be the one who’s the footnote in his/her biography a century onwards, I might as well give up now.’

So yes, there’s always a risk that the one with the lower self-esteem might not survive the peer-reviewing pillow talk and that all embryonic ideas conceived in that bed might end up on the CV of only one of the two. And not necessarily in an evil, ‘Every consciousness wills the death of the other‘ way, either. Just as many bright people gradually overshadow their beloved sibling just by being themselves and there, despite all the love and sincere admiration they can have towards them, it’s sometimes a quiet, tender, unconscious battle of assertiveness that takes place in academic couples.

It’s mysterious, that anguish you get when you give your latest chapter to read to someone who will be enthralled only by Hegel, and the crushing disappointment when you realise that your own writing still doesn’t have the same effect on him. And the moments when you say ruefully, ‘You don’t like my ideas as much as you used to!’ as if there was something about your theorisation that’s become as routine as that dimple in your cheek that first caught his eye.

mepris460

‘And my subpart, do you like it too? And my transition to chapter 3? And my literature review?’

But mostly the intimacy of bodies and ideas is glorious and neat, a dangerously far-reaching, all-in-one package, like having a research diary that responds to you with reading suggestions, annoying-but-terribly-useful counterarguments, and encouragements; that makes you tea when you’re struggling with a paragraph; that rereads your damn post-doc applications thirty times; that knows you so well that it can tell you exactly which traumatic episode of your childhood is responsible for the fact that the literary analysis you just did makes no sense at all. All that nicely tied-in with the typical comfortable monogamous relationship of two child-free people in their mid-twenties with little disposable income but no taste for luxuries.

So I don’t know who’s Socrates and who’s Alcibiades, or who’s Sartre and who’s Beauvoir (I’d rather do away with the extran bisexual affairs, though, if you don’t mind), or who’s Arendt and who’s Heidegger (erm, hopefully neither), but I know there’s always more seductive potential in my monograph-writing than in my shopping at Ann Summers, and that I don’t care about the early white hairs as long as I can see his serious concentrated face listening to Bernstein’s lectures on the Phenomenology of Spirit.

Things that didn’t happen during my PhD viva

vivaAs a result of all those things not happening, I’m now (unofficially until I graduate) Dr Beauvais. Yippee!

And the two examiners who allowed this to happen are Louise Joy and Kimberley Reynolds, and my supervisor was there, of course, the legendary Maria Nikolajeva, and my mother was there, as well as my excellent boyfriend a., and my lovely close friend and PhD companion Erin. Then we went out to dinner, all of us and another two friends, Debbie (have a look at her funny poem about writing a thesis!) and Oakleigh who has her own viva this week.

So it was all very nice and I got cards saying ‘Congratulations Dr Beauvais’ and now every time I pick up the phone it’s someone saying ‘What’s up, doc?’ and I feel it will get old at some point but for now all is well.

And, related news, I’ve now signed a contract for an academic monograph more or less drawn from the thesis, which will come out hopefully at the end of next year and is provisionally entitledThe Mighty Child: Powers and Temporality in Children’s Literature.

For those of you who might be genuinely interested in what actually happened in the viva: it was extremely interesting and enriching, and not scary. We discussed mostly how what was in the thesis could be converted into acceptable monograph material. There will be a lot of changes, enhancements and cuts necessary, so it was great to be able to talk that through with the examiners. A lot of the comments and questions were about my theoretical framework and my concepts: they were both quite ahistorical, so we discussed ways of making my claims more contextual and more precise. I’ve always had a (probably quite Gallic) tendency to generalise and universe, and my examiners encouraged me to remain aware of historical and cultural differences in conceptualisations of childhood, of time, of power etc; which is what my thesis (and the future book) is all about.

Clem x

Sleuth on Skates Round-Up

Because I haven’t done one of those yet, so maybe I should!  here are the latest news since Sesame Seade Book 1 – Sleuth on Skates came out a month and a half ago…

Sesame at Foyles! (thank you Ed!)

Sesame at Foyles! (thank you Ed!)

Reviews

We’ve had a touching review from Parents in Touch, a wicked review from Bookwitch, some nice Goodreads & Amazon comments, an amazing review-cum-life-experience blog post by Robin Stevens in which she recounts her own Sesamish childhood, a great review on the ABBA website by Pippa Goodhart, a lovely not-scribbled review on Scribbles Book Reviews.

I also had a guest post on the very cool Girls Heart Books website, where I talk about the genesis of the book and the fact that I like not getting rid of the parents.

Events

I haven’t started doing events quite yet, but I will soon…

Soon being…

Sunday 7th July: talk + reading at the Christ’s College Family Day, as the Development Office were kind enough to invite me (charity begins at home, hey). Closed event, I’m afraid!

Saturday 13th July, 11am : talk + reading at Waterstones Cambridge – this one is open to all.

Monday, 30th September, 10:30 : event at the Bath Kids Literature Festival, scaringly entitled ‘Supersleuthing with Clementine Beauvais’.

Gargoyles Gone AWOL

Meanwhile, preparations for the second book, Gargoyles Gone AWOL, are well underway. I’ve just received the dummy cover for the book, and it’s getting to know the dummy cover for the first book. Soon it will be the two books that will have to share bookshelf space… coming out October 3rd!

couv

Official cover!

gargonesmall1

gargonesmall2

That’s all for now! Going back to rerererereading my PhD thesis now – my viva is on Monday…

Clem x

There is no dearth of good French children’s literature

I wanted to take the time to reply to an article published in ‘Intelligent Life’, which a Facebook friend of mine mentioned to me recently.

The article, written by Malika Browne, and theatrically entitled ‘Why there’s no French Harry Potter’, is an extremely uninformed opinion piece, of the ‘as a parent, I…’ type, about the assumed ‘dearth’ of ‘good’ French literature since Astérix, The Little Prince and Babar (which apparently were adult books anyway).

'A baffling number of books about wolves'. (Claude Ponti)

She also deplores ‘a baffling number of books about wolves’. (here, Claude Ponti)

The following response might not be devoid of snark and sourness, but I hope it addresses fairly the points raised by Ms Browne. I recognise that of course my point of view is biased, as both an author of French books and a children’s literature scholar, and since I’m not a parent, there’s clearly some mystical misunderstanding of children in there too. But please bear with me. You may pick and choose the points I’ve addressed, since the whole post is quite long, and I’ve tried to sum up Ms Browne’s arguments so you don’t need to refer back to her article all the time.

At the end of the post you will find a whimsical and subjective selection of what Ms Browne says doesn’t exist, i.e. funny, witty, sweet contemporary children’s books in French.

– As a parent, I…

You know an article is going to be of excellent journalistic standard when it begins with a paragraph explaining that it stems from the journalist’s children not liking something, thereby sending their investigative-minded genitor on a quest for a rational and universal explanation for that dislike.

In this particular case, Ms Browne’s children apparently do not like French (picture)books as much as The Tiger Who Came to Tea. A justification for this dislike has to be found and formulated in absolute terms, omitting to mention the strange correlation with the fact that Mummy doesn’t seem that keen on those books to start with.

The ‘as a parent’ argument (argumentum ad having-successfully-reproducedum) is one of the most hopelessly boring, relentlessly repetitive argument we hear in all conferences and seminars. There might be a thousand and one reasons why Chloe and Lucas don’t like something, but since there’s no way the little cherubs can ever be wrong or influenced by other people, their dislike has to be subsumed by some intrinsic flaw in what they don’t like. This is the narcissistic premise of Ms Browne’s whole article, and it’s a tiresomely predictable one.

– ‘French children’s books seem aimed more at adults than children.’

Oh hello argumentum ad this-is-an-adult-bookum. It perfectly sums up Ms Browne’s whole article, which is scintillatingly anti-intellectual and relentlessly ageist.

She points out that France has some nice classics, like Babar (she finds it ‘patronising’ and ‘colonialist’, though, which are, ironically, two adjectives I’d gladly apply to her own article), The Little Prince, and Astérix. She then asserts categorically that The Little Prince is ‘rendered … opaque by its abstract philosophising’, and that’s the end of the story. This is one of the many occurrences in the article when it is clear that her literary standards are quite low, and/or that she does not believe children to be capable of reading complex texts.

Her ‘argument’ about Astérix is incorrect, absurd and frankly quite insulting:

“Asterix” is different, with its uncharacteristic, word-based wit and self-deprecating Frenchness. But it belongs to the bande dessinée category—a quite different sector, distinctly Francophone and mainly aimed at adults. Its writer, René Goscinny, may have written in French, but he was born to Polish immigrant parents and only moved to France at the age of 25. So perhaps it is the exception that proves the rule.

No, the bande dessinée (comics) category is in no way a ‘different sector’, ‘mainly aimed at adults’. Kids avidly read comics, and of course they avidly read Astérix, but also the Smurfs, Tintin of course, and more contemporary ones like Titeuf. The bande dessinée industry relies greatly on the child part of its audience.

No, Astérix is in no way ‘uncharacteristic’ because of its ‘word-based wit’ and ‘self-deprecating Frenchness’. French children’s literature is full of ‘word-based wit’, if she would take the time to look. Every child of my generation in France has read Le Prince de Motordu, by Pef, which delightfully plays on words that sound the same. The Fantômette series by George Chaulet is full of wordplay and humour. The Little Nicholas series by René Goscinny and Sempé is not only hilarious, but also a decidedly ‘self-deprecating’ look at the middle classes of the 1960s. And nowadays, French children’s literature is more playful than ever with language – cf. the list at the end of this blogpost.

Her final ‘argument’ about Goscinny being Polish (and therefore native French children’s authors can’t be funny) is so despicable that I won’t even deign comment on it.

‘When I ask French friends if they agree, they respond in the same puzzled way as when I mention the French practice of no school on Wednesdays, of flunked students retaking the school year or the national fondness for suppositories.’

This sentence, among others, betrays particularly clearly how much the author is speaking from an Anglocentric position (I don’t know, by the way, whether she is French or not; but even in the former case it wouldn’t mean she can’t be anglocentric of course).

To a French person, there is nothing absurd in the idea of ‘flunked students retaking the school year’, because the whole school system is designed to allow for this possibility (students can skip years too). Ms Browne is here relying on a reaction of surprise and/ or mild condescendence, but this statement is only surprising for, guess what, people who aren’t used to this educational system. As for suppositories, you can shove that national stereotype in whichever bodily orifice you prefer. Only small children are administered it, it’s not exactly a daily activity for the over-6.

Anyway, ‘asking (random) French friends’ about contemporary children’s literature is a fairly idiotic thing to do. I don’t ‘ask British friends’ about contemporary British music or about contemporary British cars because there’s 99% chance that they’ll have no idea. And yes, even parents – it’s an amazing fact that becoming a parent doesn’t seem to endow you suddenly with a good knowledge of contemporary children’s literature. It has even been suggested that parents tend to go back to classics they read as a kid, or to pick randomly from what seems to be popular at the moment – incredible, I know.

It’s a rara avis in the land of parenthood who takes the time to read specialist magazines and blogs on children’s literature. And I don’t know who she’s talking to, but if Ms Browne doesn’t actually live in France, the friends she’s asking are likely to be fairly unaware of what’s getting published hic et nunc.

– Getting tense: French books tend to use the ‘difficult’ tense of the passé simple

Ms Browne is bamboozled, apparently, that people writing in a language that has a specific past tense especially designed to tell stories use this tense to tell stories.

It is a fairly difficult tense, don’t get me wrong. But you do have to learn it at some point, so why not earlier rather than later? And at six years old I had no particular problem with it, and later wrote stories using it. It’s depressing to hear, once again, such an anti-intellectual statement: something is difficult, therefore it’s not fun.

However, Ms Browne should be reassured to hear that – to the despair of many – the passé simple is used less and less these days in both adult and children’s literature. One day it will disappear, and Ms Browne’s happy land of absolute simplicity will be born, just right for her literary, linguistic and cultural standards.

– It is difficult to be poetic for children in French.

This is such a ludicrous argument – presented, to be fair, in the form of a rhetorical question – that I actually laughed out loud. But I am stunned that a magazine calling itself ‘intelligent’ okayed this sentence without raising an eyebrow. Ms Browne wonders out loud whether it could be that French, ‘with many words ending in a silent “e”, and a relatively small vocabulary (it is said to contain a fifth as many words as English), is less conducive to rhyme and puns and onomatopoeia’, explaining the ‘lack of fun in the writing’.

It is news to me that silent ‘e’s kill all the fun, but then there is one in my own first name, which could explain my complete lack of humour. As for the ‘relatively small vocabulary’, I will venture to argue that French publishing is much more tolerant of authors using a very big part of that vocabulary, while UK and US publishing tends to be more afraid of big words.

Anyway, I refer Ms Browne to my upcoming picturebook Lettres de mon hélicoptêtre, published by Sarbacane in 2014, which should do exactly the kind of thing she’s looking for in terms of wordplay, alliterations, assonance and rhyme. In the meantime, she is welcome to take a look at the list of picturebooks I have provided at the end of this blog post.

– ‘The British market is richly supplied without needing to import books’

No, that’s absolutely incorrect. The British market HAS DECIDED that it is richly supplied without needing to import books.

It’s not a fact; it’s a commercial decision subsumed by the very dubious sociocultural statement that the UK and the US are able to be culturally autarchic. French publishers, like, in fact, publishers from all non-English-speaking countries, import books in English and books in other languages, because beyond the commercial viability of this model there is also the assumption that children will benefit from encountering books from different cultures, and will be able to.

The hermetism of the UK/US market to books from other countries is something to be deplored and fought against, not something to be celebrated as evidence of awesome creative self-sufficiency on their part. This argument makes me weep.

– French children’s literature is didactic and dark

Absolutely, it is dark. I don’t think we’re on the same wavelength there, Ms Browne and I, so I won’t bother to argue, but when she says that many French books don’t have a happy ending, she seems to see it as a problem, whereas I dance around my living-room with aesthetic joy. But that’s a question of personal taste, and also something that probably gets modified once you have children who might wake up in the night with nightmares and monopolise half of your bed. But yes, French books are darker than UK/US books, I don’t deny it.

But Ms Browne then produces a magnificent argument from authority, using a quotation from an Irish mother based in Paris (note, again, the superb ‘as as parent, I…’), saying that classic children’s book Les Malheurs de Sophie ‘leaves readers with emotional despair’.

Let me resort to an ‘as a reader, I…’ argument. Les Malheurs is one of the most jubilatory books for children in circulation. Each chapter ends badly, yes – the tortoise dies, the little girl is whipped or sick, people do not abide by Health & Safety regulations and are punished. But the important aspect of it is that for the 20 pages or so of each chapter Sophie does whatever she wants – deliciously transgressively, deliciously cruelly, deliciuosly darkly. What’s a punishment that takes place in two lines when 20 pages of text and illustrations have shown us the crime?

Didacticism is difficult to evaluate. I’m not exactly sure what Ms Browne is referring to here. That there is a moral lesson in many French children’s books is absolutely true, but that’s also true of many UK/ US books, and of many adult books for that matter. I don’t have much time for dubious comparisons as to who’s being more authoritarian than whom internationally. Darkness doesn’t lead to didacticism, just like lightness doesn’t preclude heavy-handed moral messages.

– The French publishing system is very different: authors are paid very little, there are no agents, and children’s literature is respected much less than in the UK/US.

All this is absolutely true, as I’ve written about many times in French as well as in English, for example here.

– There is no French Harry Potter.

We get to the dramatic statement that gave the article its title. ‘There is no French Harry Potter’. Incredible, huh? Let me observe that there is no American Tintin. There is also no Swedish Barack Obama. There is a flagrant lack of Egyptian Miyazaki.

This argument once again evidences the shameless anglocentrism of Ms Browne. She quotes, once again, someone very sympathetic to British interests – the Editorial Director of Gallimard Jeunesse, Christine Baker, who lives in the UK. I have nothing against the idea of quoting Ms Baker, but Ms Browne doesn’t give any voice to other publishers who don’t do their shopping in the UK/US as much, and who privilege French creation. I could volunteer my own, very respected publisher Sarbacane, which doesn’t have the same ethos as Gallimard, and invests much more in French authors than huge international bestsellers.

Now let me set this straight: I adore Harry Potter. Have I ever bemoaned the lack of a French equivalent? No! because this is a British story, not a French story. The great Tobie Lolness (Toby Alone in English), by Timothée de Fombelle, which she mentions, has nothing to do with Harry Potter. It’s a very lazy comparison, of the kind that people do when they say that ‘Hunger Games is the new Harry Potter‘.

Here it’s worth mentioning, once again, the hermetism of the UK/US market to translated books and the lack of recognition of foreign writing. Ms Browne seems to be saying that Toby Alone is one of the rare success stories of French literature in the Anglophone world. It isn’t. Yes, it ‘got an award’, but she forgets to mention it was an award for its translation, by the (consistently amazing) Sarah Ardizzone. Despite critical acclaim,Toby Alone remains virtually unknown in the UK.

Anyway, what Baker and Browne are saying is that there’s no big adventure story saga like Harry Potter in France. It’s true. Is that a problem? Only if you see this type of book as the be-all and end-all of publishing for children. UK/US publishers love big fat adventure stories because it’s part of the historical and cultural tradition of children’s literature here, and also because of Hollywood. Readers are used to these books. Of course, we read them in France too, but we simply have other literary traditions. Discovery of the day: France is not the UK or the US.

– Bayard is the best. ILU Bayard! Bayard <3

There’s one thing Ms Browne loves, though: Bayard Presse. Bayard Presse, as she explains quite well, is a big publishing corporation for quite high-quality literary and entertainment magazines for children:

The other area in which the French lead the way is children’s magazines. Since the  1960s, Bayard Presse has published first-rate magazines that take children from the cradle to university. Widely available at newsstands and supermarkets, titles such as J’aime Lire, Astrapi and Okapi are as intrinsic to a French child’s life as their creaky old classics. They contain a healthy mix of story-telling, science and craft-based activities, all aligned to the national curriculum.

She is right: most kids in France have had a subscription to J’aime Lire, Astrapi or Okapi at some point in their lives. And it’s great – I have wonderful memories of opening the monthly J’aime Lire, reading the novel and doing the games, and now that I’m grown up I’d love to write for them at some point.

But what she sees as a ‘healthy mix’ of various stuff I can’t help seeing as the relatively bland poor relative of the amazing, dynamic, constantly dazzling contemporary French fiction for children which Ms Browne seems to have no knowledge of. Bayard is nice and cute, but it’s not very radical, exciting or interesting. I’m not surprised she likes it, mind you – it’s exactly the kind of benign literature she seems to be yearning for.

But for the more adventurous-minded amongst you, and who are hoping to raise Frenglish kids on a diet of not-just-Charlie-and-Lola, here is a completely subjective selection of fun, exciting, witty, sweet, wonderful contemporary (1980+) books for young readers (picturebooks + early reading) in French. 

NB: AS A GODMOTHER, I can testify that my goddaughter adores many of these books. She doesn’t prefer English picturebooks. QED.

  • Gilles Bachelet, Mon chat le plus bête du monde, Seuil, 2004
  • Gilles Bachelet, Madame le lapin blanc, Seuil, 2012
  • Ramona Badescu & Benjamin Chaud, the Pomelo series, Albin Michel
  • Sandrine Beau & Maud Legrand, La girafe en maillot de bain, L’élan vert, 2013
  • Alice Brière-Haquet & Olivier Philipponneau, Le ballon de Zébulon, Auzou, 2010
  • Alice Brière-Haquet & Lionel Larchevêque, La princesse qui n’aimait pas les princes, Actes Sud, 2010
  • Alice Brière-Haquet & Camille Jourdy, Le petit prinche, P’tit Glénat, 2010
  • Alice Brière-Haquet & Csil, Paul, Frimousse, 2012
  • Jacqueline Cohen & Bernadette Després, the Tom-Tom et Nana series, Bayard
  • Philippe Corentin, Plouf!, L’école des loisirs, 2003
  • Michaël Escoffier & Kris Di Giacomo, La mouche qui pète, L’école des loisirs, 2011
  • Nicole Lambert, the Triplés series
  • Jean Lecointre, Bazar Bizarre, Thierry Magnier, 2012
  • Magali Le Huche, Le voyage d’Agathe et son gros sac, Sarbacane, 2011
  • Thierry Lenain & Delphine Durand, Mademoiselle Zazie a-t-elle un zizi?, Nathan, 2011
  • Alain Le Saux, the Papa/ Maman m’a dit series, Rivages
  • Alain Mets, Ma culotte, L’école des loisirs, 1994
  • Nadja, L’horrible petite princesse, L’école des loisirs, 2005
  • Pef, La belle lisse poire du Prince de Motordu, Gallimard, 2010
  • Pef, Rendez-moi mes poux!, Gallimard, 2010
  • Yvan Pommaux, John Chatterton détective, L’école des loisirs, 1994
  • Claude Ponti & Florence Seyvos, La tempête, L’école des loisirs, 2002
  • Claude Ponti, Okilélé, L’école des loisirs, 2002
  • Claude Ponti, L’arbre sans fin, L’école des loisirs, 2007
  • Domitille de Pressensé, the Emilie series, Casterman
  • Grégoire Solotareff, Loulou, L’école des loisirs, 2001
  • Hervé Tullet, Un livre, Bayard, 2010
  • Séverine Vidal & Cécile Vangout, Je n’irai pas!, Frimousse, 2011
  • Séverine Vidal & Elice, Léontine, Princesse en salopette, Les P’tits Bérets, 2011
  • Séverine Vidal & Guillaume Plantevin, L’oeil du pigeon, Sarbacane, 2013

Feel free to suggest more in the comments section… this is a purely spontaneous selection with no rhyme or reason to it.

For more info on French children’s literature (in French), you can always trust the excellent review blogs Enfantipages and La mare aux mots. Ricochet is the reference website for French children’s literature.

à bientôt!

Clem x

What Writing a PhD Thesis Has Taught Me About Writing Fiction

—> Nothing.

Me signing away my soul to the examiners

Signing away my soul to the examiners

I was trying to come up with The Blogpost of What a Journey of Self-Discovery It’s Been and How It’s Transformed All My Fiction-Writing Forever, but actually, as I have now submitted the beloved PhD thesis, the only thing I can think of is – Gosh. This was nothing like writing a novel.

But maybe it should be. Maybe if I was a bit cleverer and more motivated, I’d take away some nice little life lessons from the 80,000-word unsatisfactory monster and pull them into the Zone of Fiction-Writing. Lessons such as:

1) You don’t wait for inspiration to strike. There is a deadline for chapter 2, and Prof. N. is waiting for the thing so you’d better send it to her or else she won’t have time to look at it before another month because she’s going to a conference in Ouagadougou and then marking thirty-eight MPhil theses and then writing a grant application for NASA to ship rival children’s literature scholars to the dark side of Pluto. There’s no musing around with the muse: you sit down and write the damn 11,000 words.

2) You do zillions of hours of research. Because it’s part of the marking criteria that apparently you should know something about your topic, and you can’t hide behind the claim that all factual mistakes are due to creative licence.

3) You don’t get attached to your words. No matter how lovely that last sentence sounds, it will probably get ruthlessly deleted alongside the 25,000 words that are over the limit. So you think of words like you’d think of useful little soldiers fighting for your argument and ready to retire if they’re not needed or not efficient.

4) You don’t say to critical readers “You just don’t understand!”. Because if they don’t understand, well, there’s a problem with your argument, not with their lack of artistic sensitivity/ sense of humour/ aesthetic vision/ appropriate cultural references.

5) You have to accept that it’s rubbish it’s never going to be perfect. And it has to be finished at some point, because the examiners aren’t going to wait for you to tweak it until the end of your life for it to correspond more or less to what you were expecting to offer bountifully to the rest of humanity.

Hmm? What’s that you’re muttering in your beard? that in fact it has taught me something about writing fiction?

Well, no. Obviously I’ll never be disciplined enough to transfer any of these lessons to fiction-writing. That’s the whole difference, you see, between theory and practice.

And my PhD thesis is very theoretical.

Sleuth on Skates is out!

Big day today for me: I can finally wear a dress without tights as it looks like it’s that kind of weather. And also, my ‘debut’ children’s book Sleuth on Skates, first in the Sesame Seade series, is coming out in the UK!

First things first: who won the book giveaway?

Well, I wrote all the names on pieces of paper (times two for some, who had shared/ retweeted: thank you!)

P1050425Then I put them all into a hat and drew one at random…

P1050426And it was… incredibly enough…

P1050427SOPHIE!

(which is Sesame’s real name). A nice coincidence to start the day. So well done to you, Sophie, supersleuth-on-a-Dutch-bike!

And thank you to all the other supersleuths: supersleuths on snowboards, jetpacks, stegosaurus, heely’s & cape, rolling desk, hippo, Jimmi Choos, skateboard, walnut shell, old Cambridge bike, go-cart, invisible camel, gargoyle, sneakers, sleigh and giraffe!

I have to dash – in spite of it being publication day, I still have to supervise students (!) but if you’d like to read the first chapter of Sleuth on Skates, and then learn more about Sesame’s universe, and then maybe decide to buy or borrow it, I should be very pleased.

More news soon!

Clem x